On a cool wind
**This post was written Tuesday afternoon, but since I knew I probably wouldn’t get a chance to write one today, it was scheduled for Wednesday so that you would have something to read. Aren’t I nice! :)
I love days like today. There were so many times that I couldn’t help but step out into the sun and let the feeling of warmth on my face mix with the chill in the air. Delicious. That little bite of cold in your nostrils and lungs after you’ve been in a warm room. I can’t resist it!
It feels like Georgia in the fall. It feels like home.
I can look out at the bare trees around our campus and almost see the pecan trees around my grandparent’s place. That lingering scent of woodsmoke takes me back to those wonderful days tromping through the pastures and running around with the dogs and jumping on the trampoline. Trying to climb the old cedar outside the kitchen window and having to get help up. (I was never a good climber.) Feeding the horses, the dogs and Dolly (Grandma’s old white cat) in her old chicken coop. Target practice and forts made of sticks and pine needles and Thanksgivings.
It all comes back to me. It makes me happy to have lived those days and while it’s hard not to look back with sadness at how time has changed everything and how I haven’t been home in almost ten years, I choose to remember the good and the happy and the safe. I’ll remember eating at the kids’ table and playing under the pool table and Grandpa’s hot wheels that he let us play with sometimes and the basket of plastic animals and fake legos and Disney movies and elephants. Hot over-cooked oatmeal with brown sugar, cinnamon and plump raisins. Grandma in her chair, crocheting. Grandpa snoring on the day bed while we watched TV or played with the ancient toys in the toy box.
I’m sorry for this melancholy walk down the memories of my childhood. I can’t help it. This chill breeze brings back so much and fills me with a contentment that doesn’t come from my current circumstances. A happy, simple childhood filled with complexities that I’m only now starting to grasp. My innocent eyes missed so much but I think I am much the better for it. I was untouched by the bitterness and anger that swirled around me. I was lost in a wonderland of my own making.
On days like today, sunny and chill, I get to feel a bit of that reckless, fearless joy and abandon. I get to be that little girl in a dress and rubber boots with a braid down her back. I get to go home.