Time for a magic trick…

First off, I would just like to ask… “What do you do with a B.A. In English?” “I wish I could go back to college.” (^_-)

Secondly, I think I’ve discovered (again) part of the bummed feeling that I’ve been having because I was having a great morning and as soon as I arrived at the community college that I spend most of my work days “supervising” our students that are in concurrent enrollment I suddenly felt bummed again. So. Conclusion? When I spend too much time alone my overactive mind goes to ugly places.

I have come to this realization before. I have a blog sitting in my drafts about that I never finished because most of that one was about work related crap that resolved itself and was therefore not relevant anymore. It’s old news, but it’s a place I come back to over and over again. Being alone for long periods of time with little to do gives me more time to examine all of my faults and shortcomings and I get to review all of the things that have been bothering me. Sounds fun, eh?

It’s not.

It hadn’t been an issue yet this semester because I hadn’t been coming over here very long when NaNo started. Having something to so completely occupy my time helps. Of course, the alone thing is only one of the factors and the bummedness doesn’t happen when things are going well for me. It’s only when things are as uncertain as they are now. (For those of you that don’t know: I’m getting laid off by my district at the end of the school year and my husband just returned to college. I’m looking for a new job and he’s trying to figure out what he wants to major in. Things are really in the air right now and it’s terrifying.) I’m so glad we’re not having kids. I don’t think I could handle it.

Yesterday I had a bit of a blow up. I was driving home and with all of the uncertainty and frustrations of yet another week of being treated like a non-entity in the eyes of my administration, I got very, very angry. I had to fight back angry tears and putting on some lighthearted music helped a little. Thank God my baby was already home from work when I got there. I got a hug that I very badly needed and cried a little in his arms. Then I furiously set to work cleaning (Brushing off his offer of help.) I just needed to do something I knew I couldn’t fail at. During my scrubbing of the kitchen, I started venting.

I need something new.


About Melme

Can I have some coffee now, please?

Posted on December 3, 2009, in Life, Me, Sadness^Pi, Stress, Work. Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. Stephanie-
    Augh. I know how you feel. I’ve been spending too much time examining my own shortcomings and thinking about life episodes 50,000 times over again–only to get upset! What’s the point?! It’s hard to get over that hump. I’m still working on it, too. Hope you and your husband can ride out the wrinkles and emerge even stronger on the other side.

  2. PS: With your degree could you do some editing for a local newspaper? Tutor? Apply as an adjunct professor at a college/university in your area? Seems like you could put it to use somewhere…?

  3. PPS: How did you add snow to your blog? Love it!

    • Thanks for the encouragement. I know I shouldn’t obsess over my mistakes and I must have options even though things seem grim sometimes. Focus on the good, right? :)

      (And the snow thing is one of the appearance options under “extras”. It lasts until January, I think.)

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