Do you ever look around yourself and get the feeling that everyone around you is just playing a role that they think they’re supposed to?
Lately, I’ve been finding shopping to be one of the most depressing activities in the world. Well, not shopping per se, but anywhere that there are large amounts of people engaging in an activity mundane enough that they let their guard down. Do you ever look around while grocery shopping and see your fellow zombies no longer attempting to maintain the facade? It bums me out. Which is why I prefer not to grocery shop during peak times. Give me 11PM on a weeknight over after work or on Sunday anytime! I think the moms with dead eyes are the worst…
Anyway, that’s not really what I logged in to write about. I’ve been thinking a lot, as I’ve already mentioned. And I’ve been mostly thinking about my future and what I want to do with my life hereafter. I love the idea of being a writer, but I’m not sure that it’s lucrative enough to be a reasonable choice of career. Especially with Aaron in school right now. So, for now that gets the back burner. So, I teach. Or something like that. (What do you do when even YOU know what you’re teaching is bulls–t?) I think more and more I’m coming to see that the lack of tangible results with teaching is leaving me unsatisfied. Maybe I’d do better doing something that creates a product. That was awfully gratifying as a barista. I loved making a quality product that left my customers satisfied. So very gratifying! But meaningless too.
I say this chafing against meaningless work is the product of being told a million times throughout our childhoods that we “can do anything!” I don’t know about you, but I think that the sense of entitlement that that idea has fostered has caused generations of people to feel like they need more. More than a drudgerous, middle of the road job. We need to DO something with our lives! What a load… I’m gonna go see if Walmart is hiring greeters. Might as well get a jump on it, right?
“Don’t put one foot in your job and the other in your dreams, Ed. Go ahead and quit, or resign yourself to this life. It’s too much of a temptation for fate to split you right up the middle before you’ve made up your mind which way to go.” from Player Piano by Kurt Vonnegut
UPDATE: Kind of lame as far as rants go, I know, but I kind of lost my steam when I didn’t get to write right away… So, yes, this is the gist of what the Uh Oh post was referring to… I hate when that happens!