Where’s the light at the end?
When one finds themselves at a crossroads in life the last thing one needs is to have hours and hours of time alone to ponder the big scary world that awaits them. And here I find myself at that very place.
For those that don’t know, at the end of the school year, I will no longer have a job with the district I’ve been working for. There were tremendous budget cuts over the past summer and I’m just grateful they were able to keep me on this year instead of casting me adrift at the worst time for an English teacher looking for work: The beginning of a new school year. So, here I am. Overwhelmed and frightened as to what is in store for me. I’ve been working at an ideal campus where you can actually see the difference you’re making in the lives of your students, which, let me tell you, is highly gratifying. Come next year, who know where I’ll be working… It’s a scary prospect.
As if the situation wasn’t bad enough (it’s very hard to keep the same gung-ho attitude about a job you know is no longer yours), our campus is essentially done for the year since testing already happened. Now almost all of our students are enrolled in a local community college for concurrent enrollment and we (the teachers) either go over there on the bus with the kids and keep an eye on things that gives you lots of time to get lost in your own thoughts when you’re sitting in a hallway for three hour stints. OR we spend all day in the computer lab assisting students with their credit recovery as needed.
Yesterday was my day to go with the students. From 8:30-11:30 in the morning I was alone with my thoughts. Not a good thing. Thankfully, for the 1:00-4:00 shift in the afternoon another teacher tags along and we sat talking the whole time. Although considering my frame of mind after a morning considering my own doom, the conversation kept taking a dark turn and wasn’t very uplifting. Needless to say, by the time I got home I was in the need of some cheerful company. But since Tuesdays and Thursdays are school nights for the hubby, I was again left with my thoughts. (And, no, I didn’t think to call someone. That’s not what I do. I’m not a phone person.)
In the end, I’ve thought myself into a state of negativity. I really do not relish being thrown into a “normal” high school setting after the loose structure of my current campus. And yes, structure can be a good thing, but what it comes down to is: I’m scared.