The winds, they are a-changing.

Inspired by my wonderful husband’s new poetry endeavor, I have decided that the old blog could use a little sprucing up.

As you can see, we’ve got a new theme going on (Ooooo! Three columns!) and I’m hoping to add a few pages with various stuff. So, look forward people. I’m excited and you should be too! :D

Side Note: Changing my handle to “melme” so that I’m not confused with other Stephanies when I make comments.

Yeah, yeah

So. Here’s the long and short of it… Thanks to the blasted month of November and the madness that it contained, I have no desire to write another blasted thing. Really. Truly. Nothing. Last thing I want to do. Ever.

I’ve had writer’s block before, but never like this. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat down in front of my story/a blank document/a new blog post and written a few words and then deleted them, closing the window and doing something else.  Even know I’m having to force myself to type this instead of tabbing over to my reader to see if any of you people have anything to say.

::sigh:: Am I ever going to finish a story?

Hone thy geekishness!

Okay, so during NaNo I subjected you all to some of the things that lurk in my geekish side. And while that my sound derogatory to some people, I wear it with pride. I’m rather fond of being a geek, not to mention a nerd. (Geek and nerd are NOT the same thing!) I think I have the best of both worlds going on with a sprinkling of sarcasm, humor, musical theater and a rather outgoing personality that puts me a little ahead of the curve.

That being said, I’ve always felt a little alone out there in the great vacuum that is social interaction. (Though having an awesome brother has helped.) It has always been kind of rare for me to find people that “get me” but since I get people, I’ve never really lacked for friends. But… I’ve always felt that people liked me in spite of my foibles in kind of an “Oh, that’s nice dear.” kind of way. Whenever I’ve met anyone with similar tastes, they’ve always been a bit… odd and socially awkward. Some almost debilitatingly so. (Which is why me and my husband clicked so well, so quickly. We share a lot of common interests and very similar senses of humor. Talk about awesome!)

So, mostly, I’ve spent my life in the company of “normals” that may or may not understand something of what it is to be me. The husband and I have done our best to proselytize all things geeky to whomever has been receptive and it’s always something of a victory when they find a bit of their own inner geek.

Over the last couple years a whole new world has opened before me. Something so beautiful it’s almost enough to bring tears to my eyes. Thanks to the wonders of the internet, I’m finding more and more and more people just like me. And, of course, looking at it in retrospect, it makes sense. (Geeks and the internet? That’s a novel idea… :P) There’s a plethora of things out there that finally feel like they were tailored just for me and I’m in love.

Now boiling down to the reason behind this rambling post, this new venue of entertainment opportunities has had a new and kind of alarming side-effect. (Alarming only to me really.) I have discovered that I am prone to fan-girlism. I never thought had it in me since I’ve never really felt that strongly about anything in the mainstream media but with the heady heights of geek culture stretching out before me, I feel a rush that launches me into starry eyed glee. For instance, last night we finally watched “Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog” on Netflix and by the end of the first song I could feel that now-familiar lightheadedness and fluttering in my stomach that told me that I was back on the fan-girl ride. Neil Patrick Harris, Felicia Day and Nathan Fillion had me rapt from the first diabolical laugh.

So, here I am again… Another tick on the growing list of things that make me feel like a giddy school girl in the presence of their Hollywood flavor of the week. The frightening thing about it though, is that these paroxysms of rapture aren’t going away. Jonathan Coulton is still as firmly nestled in my fanatic, fan-girl heart as he always was though he has to make room for all the newcomers that straggle in as time passes and geeks keep churning out awesome.

Thank God for the internet or this itch to move would be nearly unbearable!

It’s been too long.

I’m actually in my classroom right now! Nope, no students, but I am sitting in my squeaky, cushy (pink, ugh) office chair and listening to music I forgot was on the computer because it’s been so long since I’ve spent more than five minutes in here.

The last few times I’ve been on campus during what is designated my conference/planning period, I’ve been in the middle of helping a student with something in the computer lab and missed it altogether. But not today! And I must say… What a dump! I haven’t had the time to do anything with the room since I have no student work to put up and I’m not staying later than I have to just to change the color of my paper to something more Christmas-y. Brown and orange will have to do for a little while longer.

Just two more weeks until winter break. Then Christmas. Then San Antonio trip with the Lion King! Yay!! Have I ever mentioned how much I love the sound of a clacking keyboard? It just sounds so delightfully productive! :D

Time for a magic trick…

First off, I would just like to ask… “What do you do with a B.A. In English?” “I wish I could go back to college.” (^_-)

Secondly, I think I’ve discovered (again) part of the bummed feeling that I’ve been having because I was having a great morning and as soon as I arrived at the community college that I spend most of my work days “supervising” our students that are in concurrent enrollment I suddenly felt bummed again. So. Conclusion? When I spend too much time alone my overactive mind goes to ugly places.

I have come to this realization before. I have a blog sitting in my drafts about that I never finished because most of that one was about work related crap that resolved itself and was therefore not relevant anymore. It’s old news, but it’s a place I come back to over and over again. Being alone for long periods of time with little to do gives me more time to examine all of my faults and shortcomings and I get to review all of the things that have been bothering me. Sounds fun, eh?

It’s not.

It hadn’t been an issue yet this semester because I hadn’t been coming over here very long when NaNo started. Having something to so completely occupy my time helps. Of course, the alone thing is only one of the factors and the bummedness doesn’t happen when things are going well for me. It’s only when things are as uncertain as they are now. (For those of you that don’t know: I’m getting laid off by my district at the end of the school year and my husband just returned to college. I’m looking for a new job and he’s trying to figure out what he wants to major in. Things are really in the air right now and it’s terrifying.) I’m so glad we’re not having kids. I don’t think I could handle it.

Yesterday I had a bit of a blow up. I was driving home and with all of the uncertainty and frustrations of yet another week of being treated like a non-entity in the eyes of my administration, I got very, very angry. I had to fight back angry tears and putting on some lighthearted music helped a little. Thank God my baby was already home from work when I got there. I got a hug that I very badly needed and cried a little in his arms. Then I furiously set to work cleaning (Brushing off his offer of help.) I just needed to do something I knew I couldn’t fail at. During my scrubbing of the kitchen, I started venting.

I need something new.

If it’s not one thing…

So, yeah, NaNoWriMo. I know I said I would move on, but I can’t help it. Now that it’s over, I feel at a loss. There was an amazing feeling to being a part of something people all over the world were doing together. I felt focused. I felt disciplined. I felt wonderful. And now… I just feel sad.

I think maybe I’m suffering from the same kind of depression that Aaron (my super awesome husband) goes through every time something that’s been anticipated comes and goes. It could be a trip or a holiday or anything really, but he tends to go into a funk at The End. If this is what it’s like for him all the time, Dang. (I’m sorry love. This sucks! I’ll try to be more understanding next time.)

The last couple of days, I’ve felt kind of dispondent and unmotivated. I’ve still been writing (I’m over 53,000 now) but it doesn’t feel the same. There’s no more rush, no more community and no more deadline. I would give myself one, but we all know it’s not the same. If I had a graph thingy like the one they use for NaNo maybe that would help, but somehow I doubt it. 

What do you do when you’re in a funk? :(

::cough:: ::ahem:: Is this thing on?

Hey there, hi there, ho there! Hello, internet! Did you miss me? I mean, yes, I know I was here with you in spirit, but I’ve been neglecting you all much, much more than I should. As you can see below and to your right, I am done with NaNoWriMo, although it’s going to take some considerable hacking away and quite a bit more typing to create anything that looks remotely like a real story out of the mountain of B.S. that flowed during the month of November. (Wow, long sentence…)

Let’s just say that it was liberating when I entered those last ten words into that word count validator and hit the submit button. But as I’ve said, it is a little bit of a hollow victory with all of the work that I foresee ahead. But I won, so shut up, voice of reason! LET ME HAVE MY MOMENT!

Anyway! Moving away from NaNoWriMo awesomeness. Thanksgiving was nice. We decided to do what WE wanted (well… What I wanted… I think Aaron didn’t really care.) this year instead of being guilted into seeing one person over the others. The morning was spent writing and relaxing and come afternoon, I made some mashed tatters and we headed over to a friends’ place to have dinner. (Deep fried turkey: delicious stuff Marc! Good job!) The food was great, we played Taboo until we ran out of cards and the Mrs. Smith’s Apple pie was way better than grocery store bakery pie! And after Taboo we headed over to Kmart (just me and the husband) to camp out for our new-super-awesome-LCD-HD-over $100 off-TV. It sure is purdy.

After our all-nighter Friday was a blur of sleep and I seem to recall there being a cat napping on my chest at some point but other than that, nothing. Wait, I think we watched “Hellboy” at some point…

Saturday was more cognizant but I don’t remember if we did anything or not… Yes! Dinner and ice cream! Sunday we went to see “Ninja Assasin”. A really stupid action flick, but it made no qualms about that and just had fun being itself. Lots and lots and lots of blood and severed body parts. Some of the scenes were priceless and hilarious!

So, I’m back and hopefully I will have stuff going on that I can regail you with wonderful stories about though that never seems likely. (HOORAY FOR HORRIBLE SENTENCE STRUCTURE!)

OMGWTFBBQ SAUCE!

I really can’t believe it’s over. I’m done. I earned this:

One month and 50,000 words later, I have the bare bones beginning of a real story, but the journey and the knowledge gleaned was well worth the back aches, tired eyes and fingers and wracking of the brain.

Again, thanks everyone for the support and understanding. Couldn’t have gotten through this madness without you guys!

I’m done, but I’m not done. Don’t be surprised if you keep hearing about this damn book, but for now it’s time to celebrate! :D

Blessed indeed!

Since we’re not celebrating until this evening I’ve spent all morning hunched over my netbook taking full advantage of my days off. I just passed the 45,000 word mark and although that is only 5,000 words short of my goal (and I’m super excited about it), I find that I’m nowhere near done with this monstrosity and there is currently no end in sight. Looks like November will not see the end of furious typing or a conclusion to this unsightly, awkward thing that can hardly be called a story. But that doesn’t mean I won’t be doing a victory dance when I get to push the “I WIN!” button hopefully before the weekend is out.

I’m just thankful for my loving and supportive husband and for friends and family that have been understanding of my hermit lifestyle this month even when they think I’m crazy. Thank you guys. I love you. Now go eat some turkey! Or if you already have, I hope you enjoyed it!

Happy Thanksgiving. :)

 

NaNoWriMo Filler Post!

Yay! Isn’t it what you always wanted? A filler post!! :D

I’m gonna let my geek show and share some videos of my favorite geek/nerd related music. Enjoy!

First up: “Do you wanna date my avatar?”
As a recovering World of Warcraft addict, I LOVE this song and video! By Felicia Day and her castmates at The Guild. (Great online show!)

Next, let me see… Ah! For a mix of just about everything there is to being a geek (at least my own personal brand) “Yuri the Only One for Me” by the LeetStreet Boys. I love the boy band angle. (I really hope someone else gets some of these references…)

And last but definitely not least a song by Jonathan Coulton who I love SO much. Enjoy this live version of “Tom Cruise Crazy” (Apparently JoCo hasn’t recorded any videos. What a jerk! Totally kidding! Although sanctioned videos would be nice… ) with the oh so awesome Paul and Storm. Scientology much? ;)

So, there you have it… I would have included something by MC Frontalot but I couldn’t find any good videos. Is my “geek” showing?